I can’t get off from oral. It’s so frustrating. I’ve tried
everything- focusing on her mouth, thinking of sexy images, porn scenes, doing
it in the day and night, lights off and on. Nothing works. I feel broken. I
hear my friends talk about how great it is all the time and I want to
experience it, too. Advice, please?
-Rene F.
Dear Rene,
Okay, first of all, your friends are probably exaggerating
about the frequency and ease of their orally-produced orgasms. They likely have
frequent experiences of inability to climax via oral. It isn’t easy. It is
easy, however, to withhold that pertinent information and simply report on the
positive. You are not broken. Most women I know have a very difficult time
reaching orgasm during face. There are so many factors that play into the
complexity of this kind of stimulation.
Most women are self-conscious about the appearance of their
genitals (for lack of a better term). The knowledge that someone’s eyes, mouth,
lips are down there is reason enough to clench up and become frigid. Here are
some helpful tips that might improve your oral adventures. And if you are still
unable to achieve orgasm, that is perfectly normal. Remember, you ARE NOT
BROKEN.
Are you able to climax in other ways? If so, how? What sort
of environment is helpful to you? By “environment”, I mean lighting, time of
day, mood, etc. What other parts of your body need to be stimulated in order to
arouse you to the point of climax? Some women need nipple play in order to cum.
If that’s the case, have your partner or yourself stimulate your nipples during
oral. Buy nipple clamps that send mini-shocks—that might do the trick (for
example). If you are UNABLE to achieve orgasm in any way, discuss this with a
health care provider. There might be a physiological explanation.
If all necessary erogenous zones are being stimulated, let’s
move on to your brain. A great deal of vulnerability is required in order to
reach a comfort level to even allow oral sex to occur. Trust is the primary
factor with regard to allowing yourself to enjoy oral. If you don’t trust the
person you’re sleeping with, why should you trust them with your labia between
their teeth? You have to be able to know that if you can’t climax, your partner
will not become suspicious or feel inadequate. When I say “suspicious”, I am eluding
to suspicion concerning whether or not they are “good enough” or “doing it
right”. They may be suspicious that you aren’t being honest with them; letting
them know what works and what doesn’t. When to slow down and speed up. Thus begins the pattern of partner insecurity
and your inability to relax. Your partner needs to understand that they can
afford to be patient with you so that you can begin being patient with
yourself.
Try having a conversation with her about expectations. Make
sure she understands that you might not cum. In fact, make sure she understands
that you will not cum. Once you’ve verbally aknowleged the likelihood that
climax is unattainable, you’re both free to just enjoy what’s happening in the
moment without a goal of orgasm in mind. The goal then becomes giving you
pleasure and surely, she gains pleasure from that. I was unable to achieve
orgasm through oral sex until the age of 30. It wasn’t until I met a partner
who had no expectations of climax in mind, a partner who I trusted with my
heart and my body, that I was able to let myself be vulnerable. When that happened,
my body relaxed and the goal of climax lifted. I just let her take her time
enjoying giving me face and before I knew it, I’d overcome that threshold of
inevitable climax. It is possible, I assure you. If I can do it, you can do it.
Now granted, she needed to stimulate other parts of my body in order for this
to happen. And it did take an awfully long time. But, it happened. And it’s
become easier and easier now that I know it’s possible.
Lastly, remember that lesbians love vagina. Your partner
wants nothing more than to be between your legs for an extended length of time.
So, put the worry that you’re disappointing her out of your head. Tell her you
need to take your time and that you need to know she has no expectations. I
promise that after you have this dialogue, your oral experience will change magnificently.
If you don’t trust your partner….reevaluate the
relationship. There might be something about her that kicks up insecurities
within yourself. Our brains and our bodies are interconnected. If your vagina
is shutting down while she’s between your legs (in the most vulnerable of
sexual positions), ask yourself why. Are you suspicious of her loyalty? Are you
suspicious of your own loyalty? Are you pervasively reminded of a traumatic
incident you haven’t yet explored or processed? We are not men. We can’t just
get off because our genitals are being stimulated. Women are complicated in a
fantastic way. All parts of the machine must be in order for us to be sexually
satisfied. It’s not a matter of you being broken. It’s a matter of a loose
screw, pardon the pun.
-GirlsInBed
No comments:
Post a Comment