My girlsfriend's nipples kind of taste like copper. I don't know why, but it isn't very appealing. I want to do nipple play because she likes it and so do I. Should I tell her? I don't know the right thing to do.
Dear KG (Penny Sucker),
Nipples are like snowflakes. No two nipples…or pair of nipples…are alike. Consequently, no two snowflakes taste alike. In your case, someone expelled oxidized urine onto your girlfriend’s snowflakes.
Firstly, KG, I wouldn’t be surprised if your girlfriend hasn’t been previously informed that her nipples are less than tasty. And if that’s the case, there are a few possible reasons as to why she hasn’t broached the subject with you or initiated a dialogue about it. She might be progressing in the bedroom with regard to nipple confidence. This is unlikely, but absolutely a potential explanation. If this is indeed the case, why squelch her buoyancy? As women, there are generally numerous aspects of our bodies we’d love to change. All women take issue with some part of our anatomy…that’s why models continue getting paychecks and personal wipes will always be in stock. So, if your girlfriend has found a way to forge ahead with her chin up and her Coppertone nipples pointed, good for her. We should all be so resilient. Another explanation as to why she may know but hasn’t discussed it might be that she is holding on to the bedposts for dear life, hoping you haven’t noticed or praying that her nipple flavor has changed. After all, it’s pretty damn hard to lick your own jugs – her taste test may be a matter of awaiting a response from her partner, you. It’s like you two are at the frozen yogurt joint and you, not her, got the last sample cup. She has to rely on your reaction to inform her as to whether a 12oz purchase is in the stars.
If the case is that she is unaware of the “issue”, what on earth is the benefit of informing her? There’s nothing she can do about it, necessarily. If you’re concerned that it’s a health-related problem, suggest to her she get a well-woman exam. No explanation required…all women should get a yearly work-up. If you don’t believe it to be a medical issue (and I am not the person to ascertain whether it is or isn’t), again I’ll ask: how will this disclosure benefit the relationship? It will positively deteriorate her sexual self-esteem. You can bet it will no longer be a factor – she wouldn’t let you lick them with Gene Simmon’s tongue. You’ll feel terrible for having burst her bubble by bearing the news. And lastly, it’s a dick move. I ask you to put yourself in her bra. If change isn’t an option, would YOU want to know your nipples taste like the liberty bell? No. You wouldn’t. If you disagree, KG, I call your bluff. It would take a great deal of time and processing to overcome the reality of an unalterable situation, as benign as it may seem. Nipples are small, but they’re switches to the sky window…and it’s snowing in your bed. Sometimes withholding information is the ethical path to take. In this case, work on accepting the uniqueness of her snowflakes without compromising her self-esteem. And while you’re at it, get used to yellow spots on the ground. Nobody’s perfect, including you.
Good luck with your snow angel!